Those Words shared by A Dad That Rescued Us when I became a New Dad

"In my view I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

But the truth rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her chief support as well as caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.

The direct words "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get some help. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and regain his footing.

His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges fathers go through.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are linked to a larger inability to communicate among men, who often hold onto harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and remains standing time and again."

"It isn't a sign of failure to ask for help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly in front of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the space to take a respite - spending a few days overseas, separate from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He came to see he needed to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotion and make sense of his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without stable male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held trauma resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "bad decisions" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the pain.

"You gravitate to things that don't help," he says. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, speak to a trusted person, your spouse or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, staying active and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising you is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead provide the stability and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their pain, altered how they express themselves, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I said, on occasion I believe my role is to instruct and tell you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning as much as you are in this journey."